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David’s magical underpants adventure

The big hand was on 12 and the little hand on 10 when our intrepid little adventurer woke from his slumber.

“Oh, what day is it?” said Davey to himself

The knowledge slowly embraced Davey and he started to shake a little as the excitement of the answer to that question started to focus in his mind

“Why, it’s SATURDAY” exclaimed Davey and leapt out of bed in a flurry of excitement

He was enchanted in an excitement frenzy dashing from room to room not daring to doubt his conviction that it really was Saturday.  Davey surveyed the room for clothes, sighing with relief when he spotted his magic underpants and slipping them on.  He put on his favourite football shirt, next, then some socks and jeans and jumped in his van to drive to the local fast food outlet for his daily vice of coffee

He could hardly concentrate on his Latte as his mind danced from the endless possibilities that this weekend may bring.  Would he go here?  Would he see this or that?  The world was his oyster and not a second would be wasted! He realised he needed to calm down and make some plans for the next two days but the excitement wouldn’t abate so he used the brown paper bag his food came in to breathe in and out of until he felt a little more settled.

He decided to go to the moon for an hour, then home for juice and biscuits, before climbing a high tree to look out over the town and then maybe build a robot and making friends with a dragon.  Davey didn’t realise at this point, but his underpants had other ideas, and with them being magic underpants, he didn’t get much choice in what they were going to do…

Davey went to get his rocket out of the van.  Over the last few weeks he had constructed a nose cone, fuselage and tail section out of cardboard and had made an impressive booster system from some old fire extinguishers.  He’d chosen the CO2 ones specially as they made smoke, and like the rockets on TV, Davey knew any rocket worth its salt needed smoke coming from the boosters to make it fly.  Davey assembled the parts, put on his space suit made of foil and helmet made from another box and sat in the rocket.  10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…

“Wait” said a muffled voice “Don’t take off!”

“Who is that?” asked Davey

“It’s me, Davey, stand up so you can hear me better” said the voice

“How do you know my name?” demanded Davey “And who are you?”

“You know me Davey, I am your magic underpants” said the voice

Davey leapt up and peered down his trousers

“That’s better” said the underpants “Now, put the rocket away, you can’t go to the moon if it’s not dark, you’ll not find it when it’s not dark silly”

“Oh yeah,” said Davey, quite thoughtfully and with that, he carefully packed his rocket up and placed it back in the van

“What are we going to do until night time then?” asked Davey, starting to get cranky as his plans were falling apart

“Well,” said the underpants, “have you heard of something called football?”

“Oh course I have you stupid underpants, what do you think this is?” said Davey, pointing at his bestest football shirt

“Well,” said the underpants “let us go to Elland Road, but first, do me a favour and put me on the outside of your trousers so I can see”

“Erm,” hesitated Davey “Won’t I look a bit silly?  I don’t want to”

“Come on now Davey, you’ll be like Superman” reassured the underpants

Davey grinned and quickly put his underpants on outside of his trousers and off they went to the football

“I want an ice cream” demanded Davey

“Well have one” said the underpants “It’s your money”

“Ok” said Davey, but he didn’t get one, he got three as he was all giddy again

“Don’t blame me if you feel sick” said the underpants with a sigh

“I won’t” said Davey with his mouth full of ice cream

Just then, some of the other team’s fans rounded the corner and started chanting horrible things at Davey but before he could react, his underpants unleashed a volley of abuse so foul and rude that Davey was a bit taken aback, but as he saw the fans start running away he joined in with the “Leeds, Leeds, Leeds” part of the shouting, even picking up a pie and throwing it in the direction of the nasty fans as they retreated then he started to laugh and clapped his hands as he jumped up and down, caught up in the excitement once again

They took their seats and after 90 minutes, Davey’s team were the clear victors of this win and he joined in the singsong with all the bigger boys sitting in the stand, all equally as jubilant over their teams performance

Davey drove back towards home with his scarf flapping out of the window, and the biggest smile on his face.  His underpants were also smiling quietly.

As they neared home, Davey suddenly got sad, he’d had the best time ever at the football match but it was still no where near dark, he asked underpants what they were going to do.

“It’s still not dark underpants, what are we going to do until it’s night time?”

“Don’t worry,” said underpants “We can watch the spreadsheets on Sky Sports News or whatever it’s called”

“Yippee” said Davey, as he sounded his horn lots of times to show he was excited

They wiled away a good 4 hours watching the spreadsheets and eating biscuits and Davey even managed to drink nearly all of his juice but he knocked the beaker over towards the end but as he was so excited, and his underpants said he’d been such a brave boy, he didn’t cry once.

As it started to approach 8 o’clock, Davey started getting sleepy.  It wasn’t dark yet, so he thought he’d rest for a little while and went to bed.  He awoke at 10 o’clock and once again leapt from bed, poking his underpants to wake them up

“It’s dark, lets go to the moon!” shouted Davey

“No Davey, lets go dancing, you know how you love dancing” replied underpants

Davey was in a quandary, underpants was right, he did love dancing, but he also loved space ships and the moon so he sat down to think about it

“I’ll tell you what” said underpants “Lets go dancing now, and it’ll be dark for ages, so we can do both”

Davey’s eyes lit up, dancing AND space travel in the same night?  What a lucky boy he was!

“I love you underpants” said Davey

“I love you too Davey” said underpants

“But it’s too late to go dancing, I’m not even ready” said Davey

“Haven’t you forgotten?” asked underpants “I am magic underpants, it’s more than just talking, I can do so much more”

“You’re the greatest underpants”

With that, underpants did some magic and Davey was instantly transformed into a clean, showered and groomed young man, wearing a sequin suit, complete with cane and a top hat.  Underpants was also in a matching sequin suit that blended seamlessly with Davey’s and off they went to the local dance hall where the DJ was spinning on the ones and twos, playing all of Davey’s favourite songs one after another.  Underpants also introduced him to a new kind of fizzy juice called beer and Davey had several of these as he’d gotten of all sweaty with his dancing but was such a hit in the club that the manager came and personally gave him his party bag and told him he was always welcome back as he’d been the best behaved boy in the whole town.

Davey left the club and went to get some burgers.  He entered the shop and the shop keeper took one look at his shiny suit and asked if he was the little boy that had been so well behaved in the club?

“Yes, it was me and my magic underpants” said Davey, glowing with pride

“Well, the manager said you could have whatever you wanted for free because you’d been so good”

“Really?” asked Davey, unsure if the man was being serious

“Of course, in fact a little bird tells me that you’re particularly partial to burgers?”

“Yes please” said Davey, I’d love some burgers”

The shop keeper gave Davey 10 burgers and some juice, but told him not to eat them all at once as he’d be poorly and poorly boys couldn’t go into space

Davey agreed but had eaten all of the burgers by the time he got home but didn’t feel one bit sick.

He did, however, feel sleepy and said to underpants:

“I’m sorry underpants, I’m all tuckered out”

“It’s ok, Davey, look out of the window, it’s getting light”

“Wow” said Davey, “I’ve never stayed up so late before”

“I know, you’re getting to be a big boy” said underpants “and I was so proud of how you behaved tonight…”

But Davey was already asleep

They awoke the next morning.  Davey cuddling his underpants and as he yawned and stretched and got out of bed.  It was a lacklustre show compared to yesterday but Davey’s eyes were alive with excitement, today was the day he was going to the moon and all he had to do was wait until night time.

Davey and underpants spent the day watching spreadsheets again, just in case they said something different.  Davey drew several pictures for underpants, mainly of his space ship and the people they might meet on the moon.  At one point they found a catalogue and looked at the ladies bras and giggled

At last, it was night time so Davey painstakingly constructed his space craft, donned his space suit and made sure underpants had a helmet as well

“10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…BLAST OFF!!!”

The extinguishers erupted and with a nod of underpants’ head, the ship flew off into to the night time sky towards the moon.  Davey had never felt so scared and excited at the same time, but he hung on, as they broke through the atmosphere and headed off into the unknown.

When they landed on the moon, Davey flew out of the rocket like a man possessed, not realising that the gravity was a lot less than that on earth, he stumbled and fell but picked himself up and ran all around the moon, drawing rude pictures in the dust and clambering all over the rocks.

Underpants suddenly shouted and Davey ran over

“Davey, it’s getting light, we need to get back”

“Aww, just 5 more minutes” pleaded Davey

“No,” said underpants ”we need to get back now”

“Ok,” conceded Davey and off they went in the space ship, getting home for 6am.

Davey and underpants collapsed on the sofa, all mucky and dusty and promptly fell asleep.  Shortly, Mike came down stairs after being strangely absent throughout the whole story.

“What have you been doing in here” said Mike, taking in the empty burger cartons, and the sight of Davey cuddling some dirty underpants wrapped in tin foil and a full glass of juice that Davey hadn’t drunk when he got home

“I’ve been everywhere, to the moon, to the football, everywhere” said Davey

“Don’t tell lies” said Mike

“But I really have, I was given a prize at the dancing for being the best behaved boy and I got all these burgers for free!” pleaded Davey

“You’ve been watching spreadsheets all weekend and eating burgers, now I find you asleep on the sofa, cuddling some underpants and to top it off, you’ve not drunk your juice, look, it’s there on the side”

“But …” said Davey, his lip starting to tremble “I really have done all of these things”

“I am going to work, drink your juice and get to bed” said Mike, and with anger clouding his vision, failed to notice the small moon rock Davey had added to his little pile by the fire

(C) A J Fiore Catering and Party Planners